It was a harrowing day for engineering graduate student Megan Martin, 24, who was visiting her parents for the long weekend. Heather Martin, 49, requested her daughter join in on some morning errands. Megan prepared for battle, knowing that her mother had a habit of proudly attempting to explain the research project Megan was working on for her degree. 

The first infringement occurred at 10:28am, at a local grocery store, where Mrs. Martin boldly attempted to describe the research to the checkout clerk. “She makes special paints!” exclaimed Heather Martin cheerily, as her daughter physically recoiled. “I’m so glad she’s making a difference,” continued Mrs. Martin, incorrectly convinced the research was actually making a difference. 

The onslaught of hubris, in work that was not her own, continued at the garden centre, dry cleaners, carwash, and at a red light where some protesters were gathered. Few were spared from the confusing slurry of metaphors and poorly remembered keywords. Megan remained stoic during the entire 38-minute process. 

“I even wrote my program name on a card for her, like it’s literally right there???” Megan wrote in a text to a friend. “Sacrifice me with your next batch of rats cuz I can’t take it anymore!!”

The most devastating of atrocities occurred right outside the Martin family home, when a young neighbour boy was riding by on a bicycle. In a flurry of misinformation, misplaced confidence, and brute-force simplification the conversation finished with: “It’s like Megan makes breakfast for robots!” Amazingly, only one tear was visible running down Megan’s cheek. 

Megan Martin works in nanomaterials chemistry. “I used paint as an analogy one time. That was the catalyst to my suffering.”

A service will be held next Thursday for Megan, who is still on the frontlines until the end of the long weekend, when she will finally be released and returned to her lab.

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In the submission titled “Happy Birthday Mom”, the author wishes well towards their maternal figure. The submission is poorly conceived, evoking no strong emotion in the reader. The intention was half-baked, and certainly more care could have been taken in penmanship and overall quality.

The importance of the work is unclear, please add flowers.

A major concern of this submission is its novelty. There are already published works in this field

(Fischer & Fischer, 2020; Nguyen, & Nguyen, 2020; etc)

The submission does not provide the proof of recurrence of the birthday, more evidence is

needed to suggest that there is a direct relationship between birth and date and not a single

observed phenomenon.

While it is understandable that quality cards are scarce, that does not excuse the need for

appropriate selection. Please find a more suitable card which excludes the glitter and bible

verses, as neither are of importance to the recipient.

Figure 1, titled “My love over time”, needs a larger sample size to determine the supposedly statistically significant increase, as stated. Please fix the axis to accurately represent the objective nature of the change.

There is a number associated with the birthdate, indicating a high age. Was this intentional? Consider revising so that the submission does not cause more harm than good.

The introduction omits a great deal of personal life updates, please include more information

on dating life (and plans for giving grandchildren), how much the throw pillows make the living room feel like a home, and an empty promise for more frequent phone calls.

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