Lab Libs! Researchers Have Uncovered A Link Between [Something You Love] And [The Worst Thing You Can Think Of]

Fay, C., Graham, L. et al.

Researchers at ____________[a prestigious university] have discovered a link between _____________ [your favorite thing, activity or food] and _______________ [the most terrible thing you can think of], a discovery that could revolutionize the field of ________________ [any noun] _____________ [a science].

Scientists had long suspected that ________-ing [verb] a __________ [noun] with a _______________ [noun] could produce an increase in ____________ [bodily function] but the ___ [number] percent increase seen in this experiment was unprecedented [1].

“The results are truly unbelievable” said Dr. ___________ [cartoon character] who led the team.

“At first the data had us scratching our ___________ [body part, plural] and shaking our ___________ [body part, plural]. But once we realized what we had, everyone was jumping up and down like a _________ [animal] in a __________ [place that isn’t Denny’s] on _________ [holiday].”

For those not familiar with ___________ [your favorite thing, activity or food], the results can be a little counterintuitive, but you can think of it like this: Imagine you have a/n ____________ [object] that you are _________-ing [verb] while you ____________ [verb]. If you then ________ [adverb] ______ [verb] the ____________ [same object] while simultaneously _________-ing [verb] you would obviously expect to see an increase in __________ [an embarrassing habit]. But if you were to reverse it and ____________ [adverb] _________ [verb] the ______________ [noun] without ________-ing [verb] a ___________ [noun], then you’d actually see a decrease in _________________ [something you wouldn’t be caught dead doing]. The relationship between ____________ [your favorite thing, activity or food] and _____________ [the most terrible thing you can think of] works in a similar manner.

While results are still preliminary the discovery could lead to practical applications in the fields of _______________ [medical research topic], ________________ [chemistry research topic], _______________ [consumer electronics product], and may allow for the development of __________ [pure science fiction].

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About Author

Craig Fay

Craig Fay is a Toronto based engineer turned stand up comedian and host of The Villain Was Right podcast. His debut comedy album “Helicopter Rich” was praised as “observational and self-reflective…worth playing multiple times over” and is available on iTunes and Spotify.

Lexa Graham

Lexa Graham is a comedian with a Master’s degree in Chemical Engineering, and the founder and editor of dnatured. She has previously written for Reductress, CBC Comedy and also had her research published in The Canadian Journal of Chemical Engineering.

About Craig Fay 6 Articles
Craig Fay is a Toronto based engineer turned stand up comedian and host of The Villain Was Right podcast. His debut comedy album “Helicopter Rich” was praised as “observational and self-reflective…worth playing multiple times over” and is available on iTunes and Spotify.