After several years and numerous double blind tests, it was determined that the Southwestern Soup from Panera Bread was definitively not as spicy as Karen from Accounting said it was.

To determine spiciness, the soup was blended and filtered into 500 mL taste tubes (plain ceramic bowls), then fed to the multinational company’s unpaid interns, who were blindfolded and handcuffed [1]. The researchers measured each intern’s reaction, from blowing rate to tear volume, then compared it to previous reactions in the database.

“We used a modified Scoville scale specially tailored to soups, which ranges from 1, a cup of plain chicken broth, to 10, that Thai soup that Kevin had at lunch and then had to go home,” said Senior Chowder Correspondent Dr. Tiffany Franklin. “The Southwestern soup registered a 3, falling way behind the 8 that Karen estimated.”

Karen was not available for comment as she was busy posting signage about a blood drive for her daughter’s peewee axe-throwing team.

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