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Unhealthy Attachment? These Two Strands of DNA Defend their Codependence

Anne Reiner — Wed, 01 Jul 2026 05:41:33 +0000

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Op-Ed: Please Don’t Talk Shit About The Instruments in Front of Them… They Can Hear You

Jessica Camargo — Tue, 30 Jun 2026 05:41:53 +0000

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Cool! Archaeologists Discover Ancient Recycling Can Full of Kids’ Cave Paintings

Anne Reiner — Tue, 30 Jun 2026 05:41:19 +0000

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Hot Ticket! This Lab’s Counter Space Is More Crowded Than Concert!

Lexa Graham — Sun, 28 Jun 2026 05:48:01 +0000

Graham, L. et al

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Protocol: How To Remember That Information You Didn’t Bother Writing Down, Now That You Desperately Need It

Jessica Camargo — Sun, 28 Jun 2026 04:34:45 +0000

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“You’re 1 PPM” Says Scientist Trying To Compliment Partner

Editor — Tue, 23 Jun 2026 01:01:03 +0000

Graham, L. et al

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Pediatric Therapist Encourages God’s Mom to Call it “Hard Working” Design Instead of “Intelligent” Design

Editor — Tue, 02 Jun 2026 18:35:31 +0000

Reiner, A. et al

Dr. Claudia Geller, the pediatric therapist who has been working with God since the dawn of time, recognized early that she was dealing with more than just an inflated ego after outbursts so notable they received name recognition (e.g., The Big Bang). He thought He was omnipotent.

Dr. Geller reflected, “We know that labeling children ‘smart’ can have unintended consequences. At first, they have delusions of grandeur,” explained Dr. Geller. “With God, these were so excessive that we named the complex after Him, which of course, stalled our progress. That was a big lesson for me. But as they say, to err is human.”

Things seemed to change once Dr. Geller consulted with God’s mom, Barb.

“There was this time when Isaac Newton discovered the simplicity behind God’s work like F=ma which really knocked His sense of superiority,” explained Barb, God’s mom. “And the final undoing was when Einstein unearthed E=mc². He really languished.”

That’s when Dr. Geller had her ‘aha!’ moment for the new approach.

“It was an act of God!” said Dr. Geller.

Once Dr. Geller suggested God’s Mom highlight His hard work, rather than His intelligence, God was resurrected. “Of course, she has to contend with what seems like the whole world marveling at His intelligent design. But consistently redirecting her focus back to His industriousness has truly been divine intervention.”

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QUIZ: Which Piece of Lab Equipment Are You?

Annabel — Mon, 12 Jan 2026 20:32:10 +0000

Annabel et al

The mighty centrifuge, with its lid ajar inviting samples to enter (at their own risk)…? The mysterious incubator that hasn’t hit the temperature right since your lab tech left…? If you’ve ever wondered which piece of lab equipment you are, take this quiz to find out!

QUESTIONS

How would you describe your communication style?

A. My way or the highway
B. Everything should be laid out clearly; I’d rather talk than let issues simmer
C. Avoidant
D. Not sure
E. I just want everyone to be happy, so I don’t always say what I need

What’s your ideal Saturday afternoon?

A. Crushing my to-do list, even if it includes changing cell culture media
B. 10 mile hike, brunch with a friend, errands, then flow-state at a cafe
C. Wake up whenever and vibe
D. Going to lab “for just a couple hours”
E. Baking for my friends

Which gift would you be thrilled to receive?

A. Something from my carefully curated wish list
B. A really nice planner
C. Honestly, anything is amazing
D. An avocado, the bigger the better
E. Multiple tickets to a show so I can invite some others

Best lab duty chore?

A. They’re all fine, but only if done properly
B. Restocking the pipette tips in perfect rows
C. None of them, thanks
D. Cleaning everything until it squeaks
E. Helping someone else with their experiments

What’s your biggest fear?

A. Someone else digging through my stuff
B. Missing an appointment I booked weeks in advance
C. My favorite game going missing
D. Forgetting everything
E. Losing my loved ones

RESULTS

Mostly A’s: Centrifuge

Picky and precise, you like things done your way. You’re the mediator who keeps friend groups in balance, but if one person is acting “off,” you spin in circles about it for days. When life feels slightly unbalanced, you go straight to 14,000 rpm instead of having a calm conversation. That’s why keeping your “lid” open when communicating is important.

Mostly B’s: Confocal Microscope

You are the high-maintenance friend, but in the best possible way. You live by your calendar that gets booked up weeks in advance, and require very specific conditions to function: whether that be low light with at least three alignment steps, or your favorite coffee every morning. You struggle with “big picture: stuff” because you’re busy zooming in on every tiny issue at 60X.

Mostly C’s: 10 uL pipette

Often overlooked, rarely invited, and chronically underestimated. You “go with the flow” a little too much– like starting to get ready for a concert approximately when doors open. People might get frustrated with you, but when something delicate really matters, you’re the only one detail-oriented enough to handle it.

Mostly D’s: Weighing Scale

You’re not always wrong; you just feel wrong and doubt yourself too much. You overthink every decision, re-weigh every plan, and still suspect that you’re off by 0.01. People trust your judgement more than you think, so it’s okay to finally stop taring and commit.

Mostly E’s: Water Bath

You’re the mom friend: warm, comforting, and always making sure everyone else is okay. You bring snacks, tickets, baked goods, and emotional support. But if your own needs aren’t met, you can go from a “gentle 37 C” to overheating surprisingly fast. Despite being easily overstimulated, you still insist on taking care of everyone.

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Game On! University Introduces New “Squid Game” Inspired Grad School Admission Process

Vince LiCata — Tue, 14 Oct 2025 02:52:43 +0000

LiCata, V. et al

After years of high attrition rates in its prestigious Molecular Biology program, Fartlek University has begun a collaboration with Netflix and Mr. Beast to overhaul the way they select incoming graduate students, called Plasmid Games.

“Everyone we admit seems fine on paper,” said Graduate School Dean Dr. Frontman, “but when you put someone in an actual research lab, sometimes the story changes. So now we’ll be selecting new PhD candidates from an actual laboratory-based competition process.”

According to the Dean, 456 initial applicants will be brought to the Fartlek campus for a week of competitive interview exercises or “games.”

“Our first game is called ‘Fire!’” explained Dean Frontman. “Basically we get all of them started on making a buffer or a salt solution and at some point yell ‘Stop, red light, there’s a fire, exit the building!’ Anyone who actually does exit the building is then locked out and the interview continues with those who stayed – because, you know, they behaved like proper grad students and stayed in the lab in a crisis.”

Dean Frontman, who also goes by the name “Administrator 001”, explained that there are several other challenges the group must then attempt. The number of surviving interviewees systematically decreases after each challenge by ruthlessly eliminating those who fail each time.

Other “games” include:

1) making a highly toxic solution with no protective gear or PPE;

2) group tug-of-war for the only working magnetic stirrer in lab (points off if the power cord gets ripped out);

3) attempting to cut tubing, filter paper, and glass plates with nothing but your own fingernails;

4) finding a DNA plasmid that has been lost in the lab freezer since 2010;

5) curing a major disease by the end of the week.

The Dean further remarked, “We hope this new ‘Plasmid Game’ process will help us select students who will get all the way through their PhD program, and simultaneously will crush the dreams of the rest of them so that they stop applying to grad school for fuck’s sake.”

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Genius? This Lab Is Funded Entirely By Cashing In Life Insurance Policies On Lab Rats

Amar Singh — Mon, 10 Feb 2025 22:08:53 +0000

Singh, A. et al

After a landmark investigation into their funding sources, MoTech Labs Ltd has been accused of cashing in on life insurance policies purchased on their lab rats in order to afford equipment and executive bonuses.

“Suspicion was raised after the organization had enough PPE and beakers to run like a normal, functioning lab,” said lead detective Arnold Harrison. “Also, they replaced all their lab coats with fur coats. That was a pretty big red flag.”

But what really broke the case? Investigating the insurance policies themselves.

“All the paperwork was all filed under names such as ‘Charles E. Cheese,’ ‘Mr. Rat, Esquire,’ and ‘Lab Rat #37,’” explained Harrison. “And in each case, the cause of death was listed as “given cancer to see what that does to a rat.”

It was even revealed that MoTech Labs altered experiments to ensure higher insurance payouts. After discovering that accident payouts are higher than those for illness related deaths, the scientists started researching questions such as “Can Rats Base Jump?”, “Can Rats Breathe Underwater?”, “What Happens To Rat Societies When We Give Them Little Guns?”, and “Will Hungry Chimpanzees Be Nice To Rats?”

The final straw was when the lab privately announced that they had exchanged all their glass beakers for solid gold beakers. “It doesn’t even make sense” said Dr.Gupta, a chemist consulting on the case. “Gold isn’t a good beaker material. Your results would be confusing and terrible.”

When contacted by DNAtured, the head of MoTech Labs, wearing Swarovski crystal lab gloves, screamed “don’t ever ask me about my business. Don’t EVER ask me about my business.”

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