Lexa Graham

Hot Ticket! This Lab’s Counter Space Is More Crowded Than Concert!

Lexa Graham — Sun, 28 Jun 2026 05:48:01 +0000

Graham, L. et al

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“You’re 1 PPM” Says Scientist Trying To Compliment Partner

Lexa Graham — Tue, 23 Jun 2026 01:01:03 +0000

Graham, L. et al

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17-Year-Old Lab Student Somehow Trusted With Two-Million Dollar Machine

Lexa Graham — Thu, 14 Nov 2024 17:05:43 +0000

Hallworth, M., Graham, L. et al.

First-year engineering student Coral Gilmore, 17, was stunned after realizing she was required to use a 3D Sublimation Heat Press Machine, a device valued at 2.3 million dollars, on just her third day of class.

“I only read the pre-lab five minutes ago, I don’t know how this thing works at all. It’s the size of a rhino and apparently pretty fragile,” said Gilmore, nervously rotating an unmarked dial.

Gilmore says that although she understands the general concepts of sublimation, no one went over the specifics of the machine. Her professor promised that the TA would explain how to use it, but on the day of the lab, the TA assured them that it had been covered it in the professor’s lecture.

“All the pre-lab says is that if I compress the gas too quickly, everything will shatter,” said Gilmore. “I really hope they have insurance.”

Lab TA Malcolm Ellis remains unconcerned, having supervised this same lab five times this week.

“This lab is always scheduled during frosh week; we actually tell them the sticker price of the machine to sober them up,” explained Ellis. “They figure it out eventually.”

During the lab, Gilmore realized that this misplaced trust wasn’t actually new for her.

“I mean, the bank seems pretty confident loaning a small fortune to a teenager with no job history. Hopefully both will work out fine.”

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First Year Psych Student Confidently Diagnoses Friend With Disorder She Just Learned Existed

Lexa Graham — Thu, 10 Oct 2024 20:15:50 +0000

Graham, L. et al

Celine Banks, a freshman taking first year psychology, says the course has been “soooooo interesting” and has allowed her to diagnose several friends with a litany of personality disorders that, before last week, she didn’t know existed.

Although she originally started college as a communications major, she now identifies as a “psychology savant,” having diagnosed more complex disorders in the past month than many trained psychologists diagnose over their entire careers [1].

“I’m really good at getting people’s acronyms. Like my roommate? Totally OCD,” said Banks. “She keeps her side of the dorm creepy organized, and totally freaked out when I left my rotting dishes in the middle of the floor for just 3 weeks.”

Banks attributes much of her prowess from years of watching Criminal Minds, which she has asked to be counted as extra credit to offset all her failed open book quizzes.

Banks also admits it’s hard to convince people to seek professional help after her assessments.

“I let the Chipotle guy know that charging me extra for guacamole fit at least two markers of being a sociopath, but he just rolled his eyes and moved on to the next customer!”

Said Banks, “Despite the anti-social rudeness, I hope he eventually gets the help he needs to chill the fuck out about guacamole.”

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Oops! School’s Periodic Table Is Missing All The Newly Discovered Elements And Also Important Ones Like Carbon

Lexa Graham — Thu, 26 Sep 2024 18:44:34 +0000

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Teens Caught At House Party Getting Vaccinated Out Of Their Fucking Minds

Lexa Graham — Mon, 16 Sep 2024 16:38:08 +0000

Graham, L. et al

A rowdy suburban house party was broken up by police last night after they discovered dozens of high school students shooting up dozens of vaccines.

“We knew something was up when we saw used hypodermic needles all over the lawn,” said police spokeswoman Carol O’Rourke, who said neighbours became concerned when they witnessed teens pulling up to the house with large boxes of bandaids.

O’Rourke notes that so-called “vaxx parties” are becoming more common as teens rebel against their vaccine-hesitant parents by organizing pop-up clinics at weekend ragers. Many teens have even started mixing vaccines to obtain an elevated high from a fully updated immunization history.

“After a few drinks, I did a Pfizella shot,” said Cyrus Johnson an attendee who got the Pfizer COVID-19 vaccine and a rubella booster. “The high of being protected against a couple deadly illnesses was better than MDMA.”

But not every teenager from the party was willing to going on record, with many fearing parental punishment.

“Please don’t tell my mom about this,” said one sophomore who asked to remain anonymous. “If she finds out I got vaccinated, she’ll fucking kill me.”

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Nice! Friend Who Quit Academia For Industry Doing Well… Really, Really Well…

Lexa Graham — Thu, 22 Aug 2024 04:48:14 +0000

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Uh Oh! Grad Student’s Motivation Still On Backorder

Lexa Graham — Thu, 15 Aug 2024 03:42:10 +0000

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Yas Queen! Climate Scientists Say We Should Prepare For An Entire Hot Girl Century!!!

Lexa Graham — Mon, 29 Jul 2024 16:43:06 +0000

Graham, L. et al

Climate scientists are now SCREAMING that the Earth is 100% that bitch, ready to go full fire emoji on all of humanity because we just could not stop pumping her full of pollution! Go AWF???! Data projections indicate that Mama Earth is heating up sewww hard that we should french-tuck in for a century full of hot girl summers, monsoon girl springs, drought girl autumns, and famine girl winters!

“Listen, we’ve been gassing up Earth on carbon dioxide for a hundred years,” said climatologist Dr. Sue Nami, “she ain’t about to go back to her drab old ice age lewks just cuz you bought like, one metal straw! Get ready to be cancelled straight into the rising sea, hunty!”

Described as an “ice queen” as recently as 12,000 years ago, scientists fear Earth’s temperature will soon reach a point where she will be classified as a PILFF; a Planet I Lowkey Fear For.

And studies show they are right to be afraid! Since her recent ?kween?house gas fuelled makeover, the Earth has been absolutely KILLING IT across the globe, with death tolls from climate change estimated at 250,000 per year and rising.

“I knew it was game-over once she got that fierce ozone wig from the Montreal Protocol and started contouring her ice caps,” said marine drag-ologist Oral Reef. “At this rate, she’ll get everybody wet by 2050!”

Earth’s recent glow up has also caused a series of forest fires, says ecologist Dr. Mass ExTwinkShawn, who warns that if we don’t make real efforts to preserve animal habitats, “many species will simply sashay away.”

But lead climate scientist Dr. Glow Ball Warming says that there is still time to act. “If you don’t want Earth to death drop our entire ecosystem, you absolutely must start to kiki with your state and local governments, and help change their environmental policies from busted to dusted!”

The post Yas Queen! Climate Scientists Say We Should Prepare For An Entire Hot Girl Century!!! appeared first on dnatured journal.

Cute Summer Outfits You’ll Never Get To Wear Because They Are Banned From The Lab

Lexa Graham — Mon, 15 Jul 2024 18:17:42 +0000

Graham, L. et al

Want to wear something that isn’t banned from the lab? Check out the DNAtured Store for masks, t-shirts, notebooks, and more!

Distressed Boyfriend Jeans

These jeans are as distressed as your lab manager will going to be when they see you in them. Imagine the paperwork after those holes let droplets of milli-Q water onto your unprotected knees.

T-Shirt Dresses

You had us with t-shirt, which can be covered by your lab coat, but lost us at dress :(.

Sky-High Boots

Save these stilettos for a conference! One errant kimwipe on the floor could send you careening into the fume hood.

Pleated Skirts

While we applaud the double layer of fabric in the top part of the leg, it seems to come at the expense of the now completely unprotected lower legs. Try pleated pants as am alternative!

Long-Sleeved Print Dresses

Aww, if only you had cut off the sleeves and made them into pants 🙁 sorry but these are still a no no!

Rounded Metal Sunglasses

We are all for eye protection, but these sunglasses do not appear to have splash guards, so they are banned.

Chunky Peekaboo Sandals

You’ll thank us when you don’t have a zebra stripe burn pattern when your lab mate errantly pipettes some glacial acetic acid through the slits.

Bohemian Sandals

Oh so you want acetone taking off that french manicure?

Vibrant Crocs

From the runway to the hallway, crocs are a bona fide hit with all ages, but those comfy lil holes will not stop stock sodium hydroxide.

Cut-Off Jeans

These are just one spill away from being acid-wash legs.

Floral Jumpers

Unless those flowers can hop off and cover your precious shins, this is also a no.

Short Shorts

Even more bare legs??? No!!!

Jean Shorts

NO! SHORTS! There are safer ways to singe off your upper leg hair!

Shorts In General

We GET IT. Your gams are beautiful and majestic and you want to show them AWF, but you must save it for the 0.5 hours that you aren’t in the lab!

Want to wear something that isn’t banned from the lab? Check out the DNAtured Store for masks, t-shirts, notebooks, and more!

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