Marshall, A. et al
A rowdy suburban house party was broken up by police last night after they discovered dozens of high school students shooting up dozens of vaccines.
“We knew something was up when we saw used hypodermic needles all over the lawn,” said police spokeswoman Carol O’Rourke, who said neighbours became concerned when they witnessed teens pulling up to the house with large boxes of bandaids.
O’Rourke notes that so-called “vaxx parties” are becoming more common as teens rebel against their vaccine-hesitant parents by organizing pop-up clinics at weekend ragers. Many teens have even started mixing vaccines to obtain an elevated high from a fully updated immunization history.
“After a few drinks, I did a Pfizella shot,” said Cyrus Johnson an attendee who got the Pfizer COVID-19 vaccine and a rubella booster. “The high of being protected against a couple deadly illnesses was better than MDMA.”
But not every teenager from the party was willing to going on record, with many fearing parental punishment.
“Please don’t tell my mom about this,” said one sophomore who asked to remain anonymous. “If she finds out I got vaccinated, she’ll fucking kill me.”
