News & Views

While there were no casualties, all staff agreed they’d rather die in a real volcano than have to see another baking soda one.

“We now ask that each new applicant to Heaven comes prepared to show their vaccination records.”

Microbiologist Dr. Leila Chu has dazzled once again with her new biofilm “The Growth of Pathogenic Pseudomonas aeruginosa On Hospital Catheters”

“When I started at the lab, I hated this thing. I wanted to figure out a way to kill it more than anything in the world. But, I was pouring so much time into thinking about it, so much emotion, I started to realize I wasn’t just catching a cold, I was catching feels.”

“The textbook is so outdated that his SAT test scores won’t even get him into a safety school. But by 1857 standards? He’s an absolute savant.”

Neptune, for it’s part, shouted “don’t make me come out there” when it heard the moons bickering in its orbit.