Institutional Animal Welfare Group Proposes Humane Endpoints for Ph.D. Students

Tek, A. et al

A rare joint statement from the Institutional Animal Care and Use Committee (IACUC) and the newly-formed graduate student union set new guidelines for humane endpoints for graduate students. Graduate students who are overworked, underpaid or ‘just really not feeling it right now’ are eligible for humane euthanasia upon approval of their academic advisor and thesis committee. 

The Dean of Graduate Studies welcomed this new agreement. “These guidelines will help reduce suffering at our institution and improve the metrics of well-being of our student body.” 

One graduate student expressed relief at the landmark agreement. “The Graduate Student Union really allowed us to advocate for ourselves in an organized way to improve our conditions. We’re immensely grateful for the support of IACUC and their dedication to reducing suffering in University labs, from mice to Ph.D. students. I’m so excited that I can finally stop recapping euthanasia needles.” 

However, these changes to IACUC’s welfare faced significant pushback. Some principal investigators have raised concerns about the potential reduction in the pool of labor that they can exploit. One tenured professor, speaking anonymously, shared his views. “Just because graduate students think they have an out with humane euthanasia, doesn’t mean that I’ll allow it. Not before the data is analyzed and generated and I’ll be damned if I’m doing that myself. After the project is done, the paper gets accepted, then they can go ahead. Kids these days just don’t want to work.” 

Some postdoctoral fellows have reportedly expressed interest in the program as well, citing rising living costs, stagnant wages, and similar welfare concerns. However, any broader applications of these welfare guidelines will face massive institutional resistance if the university anticipates a reduction in its exploitable workforce.

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Annie Tek

Annie Tek has years of experience as a research tech in academia and a crippling caffeine addiction.

About Annie Tek 2 Articles
Annie Tek has years of experience as a research tech in academia and a crippling caffeine addiction.