“I worry that the inclusion of “aromatic hydrocarbons” implies the issue was mostly due to their strong smell, and not the extremely high risk of cancer.”
The woman in question did not blind me with science. Rather, despite her repeated warnings against it, I blinded myself by staring directly into the sun during a solar eclipse.
Early humans would commonly call their Neanderthal sexual partners “exotic,” apparently believing that was somehow an okay thing to say.
“We were facing a tough quarter, and we needed a revenue booster, and someone suggested Vitamin D as a joke”
Scientists warn Shelley could get so hot that she becomes a realtor, or a pharmaceutical rep.
You might not remember when Russia launched Laika into space in 1957 and left her for dead. But Laika remembers.
“I can swim into any ocean and not be questioned about whether or not I belong”
Dads everywhere took time out from reading the paper in front of a muted 24-hour news broadcast to announce that you have no reason to be sad given how good you have it here in in this country, you ingrate.
While there were no casualties, all staff agreed they’d rather die in a real volcano than have to see another baking soda one.
“I only read the pre-lab five minutes ago, I don’t know how this thing works at all. It’s the size of a rhino and apparently pretty fragile.”
While bawling can be a cathartic experience, the laboratory is, of course, no place for human emotions.
“I started to realize I wasn’t just catching a cold, I was catching feels.”
“We now ask that each new applicant to Heaven comes prepared to show their vaccination records.”
Microbiologist Dr. Leila Chu has dazzled once again with her new biofilm “The Growth of Pathogenic Pseudomonas aeruginosa On Hospital Catheters”
“The textbook is so outdated that his SAT test scores won’t even get him into a safety school. But by 1857 standards? He’s an absolute savant.”
Neptune, for it’s part, shouted “don’t make me come out there” when it heard the moons bickering in its orbit.
“The standard prosthetic is far smoother than the average human hand, and lacks the wrinkles, hair and pockmarks that really blow your fucking mind”
My name is Rodney Thomas Squance, and although I am a drone in your colony, there’s a lot more to me than my sticky bee ejaculate.
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