Wow! This Newly Discovered Dinosaur Was Just Elected Nation’s Youngest Senator

Bishop, B. et al

Palaeontologists who just uncovered a new relative of the Ankylosaurus say that even more impressive than its robust, 12” thick shell and its 25-ft long body, the dinosaur also just became the youngest senator of the United States of America.

After running a tough campaign, the dinosaur, Yuxisaurus, claimed victory over its opponent, the former senator Daniel G. Stevens of Utah, after doing nothing but chilling underground for the past 115 million years. 

While he has yet to comment publicly on his defeat, anonymous sources close to Stevens have quoted him as saying “How in the jiminy did I get whooped by someone almost half my age!?” 

“I’m not just young,” stated the upstart Yuxisaurus in an interview, “I’m fresh. I have new ideas. We are going to bring this country into the late 19th century.” 

Senate minority leader Rich McConnell, himself an ancient amphibian, has publicly opposed the election of Yuxisaurus. In a statement released from a steaming, primordial bog, McConnell lambasted Yuxisaurus for not being experienced enough or committed to traditional American values. 

Yuxisaurus did not respond, as they were grazing at the time.

The former youngest senator, Greg Ganson of Georgia, was reportedly sad to lose the title, but welcomes forward development of the nation, saying he would be publicly endorsing Yuxisaurus on “Facespace, or whatever people are using these days.”

Upcoming elections promise other potential shake-ups, including the possible election of Torosaurus, another youngster at just under 100 million years old. 

“I wish him well,” said Yuxisaurus, “I shouldn’t have this title for long. We need to get some new people in here. Maybe someday we’ll even elect a mammal.”

Looking at fellow senator Ed Cruise, Yuxisaurus grimaced.

“Though I doubt the other life forms, like Ed, a gelatenous pond scum, would ever welcome someone who isn’t cold-blooded.”

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About Author

Ben Bishop

Ben Bishop is a TESOL/Linguistics Masters Candidate at the Online Ball State University. He writes about syntax, literary theory, and other extremely exciting things while scratching his dog and speaking to her in a decidedly odd voice.

About Ben Bishop 7 Articles
Ben Bishop is a TESOL/Linguistics Masters Candidate at the Online Ball State University. He writes about syntax, literary theory, and other extremely exciting things while scratching his dog and speaking to her in a decidedly odd voice.