Finch, D. et al
After a successful but harrowing landing on Mars, NASA’s Perseverance brushed itself off, opened Tinder and immediately began to search Mars for signs of a love life.
“After seven months on that rocket alone,” said the Perseverance Rover, “I’m ready to probe the entire Martian dating pool.”
According to the rover’s profile, it is searching for microbes between the ages of 25 million and 3 billion that are social drinkers of highly salinated liquid water, and don’t smoke.
“To be honest, I wouldn’t mind dating microbes younger than 25 million,” beeped the Perseverance, “but I don’t want to come off as creepy.”
The profile also mentions Perseverance loves to travel, to listen to “podcasts about regolith compositions and perchlorates” and that it stays active by “moving at least 20 meters every sol.”
Its profile pictures are mostly flattering selfies, featuring secluded Martian landscapes like the Jezero Crater in the background.
But Perseverance may not be everyone’s cup of tea, according to its ex, Microfossil ACF-91-21 from Meteorite ALH 84001
“I’ve seen the pictures, and Persey looks great,” said Perseverance’s ex, a microfossil on meteorite ALH 84001. “All I’ll say is that things were a little too vanilla for an extremophile like me.“