Scientific Baby Names To Help Your Newborn Get Noticed By The Ivy League

Kaplan, J., Crooks, T., Clemente, E.C., Office E., et al

CRISPR

A cutting-edge, gender-neutral option! Any kid sporting this name will be one-of-a-kind, not to mention highly sought after!

Ben (short for benzene)

This sweet but dangerous compound is the perfect name for parents who value (carbon) equality and sharing (electrons).

Rosalind

Honor the TRUE discoverer of DNA’s double helix with this retro homage to Dr. Franklin. DO NOT NAME YOUR CHILD WATSON OR CRICK.

Myc (short for mycoplasma)

Want a boy who’s bad to the bone? This single syllable name will ensure your child is notorious, even feared.

BLAST

If you’re expecting a boy, consider BLAST. He will have the coolest name in grade school and will thank you and the NCBI for his awesome childhood.

Your PI’s or thesis mentor’s name

They will be flattered!

Note: If you are a PI, just name your child after yourself, that way you can stroke your ego AND instill an inferiority complex from birth! Plus, what other babies have first authorship?

Nat (short for Nature)

Set your expectations high from the start! If you want to hedge, maybe make their middle name “communications”

pH < 7.0

Ensure your child is never called basic.

After Yourself, But In A Science Way

Instead of tired old moniker modifiers like Jr. or III, simply add NextGen in front of your own name or 2.0 after it.

Coronaline

Calling all virologists! Pay homage to the pandemic that led to your pregnancy with this sure to be viral name.

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About Author

Justin Kaplan

Justin Kaplan is a writer and recovering researcher based in Boston. His words have appeared in The Atlantic, WBUR—Boston's NPR News Station, and academic journals you've probably never heard of. Justin is also editor-in-chief of The Boston Accent, a wicked serious satire publication.

About Justin Kaplan 14 Articles
Justin Kaplan is a writer and recovering researcher based in Boston. His words have appeared in The Atlantic, WBUR—Boston's NPR News Station, and academic journals you've probably never heard of. Justin is also editor-in-chief of The Boston Accent, a wicked serious satire publication.