Theoretical Physicist Travels Back In Time To Persuade Younger Self To Go Into The Trades

Fay, C. et al.

A promising young undergrad recently got some career advice from a very unlikely source: his anguished future self.

According to 23-year-old physics undergrad Walter Sampson, he was researching grad schools when there was suddenly a large crack and flash of light when the 55-year-old Dr. Walter Ross suddenly appeared [1].

“For the love of God go into the trades,” screamed the elder Sampson, desperately.

The greying Dr. Sampson outlined that while a career in theoretical physics would ultimately lead to their exciting discovery of time travel, it also involved enduring decades of “publish or perish” journal submissions and peer review. He then strongly suggested to become a welder, where the only peer review he’d have to endure is someone looking at their weld and saying “Looks good Walt, let’s grab a beer.”

“Or become an electrician” he stated. “If you can figure out 4th dimensional quantum irregularities, you can definitely learn how to wire a three-way switch.”

Dr. Sampson admitted that while time travel should grant nearly limitless financial opportunities, many trade apprenticeships programs pay you to learn, which would have saved 19 years of student loan stress.

“We won’t have had to suffer through endless hours of complex differential equations for no pay,” pleaded the future Sampson, adding “You could have bought that ATV already!”

Reflecting on the odd experience the current Sampson stated “It was very strange. The fact that time travel is possible has me very intrigued. It makes me want to dedicate my life to figuring it out.”

At press time Sampson had been accepted to many prestigious grad programs and was dealing with seemingly new childhood memories of an old man trying to get him interested in drywall.

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About Author

Craig Fay

Craig Fay is a Toronto based engineer turned stand up comedian and host of The Villain Was Right podcast. His debut comedy album “Helicopter Rich” was praised as “observational and self-reflective…worth playing multiple times over” and is available on iTunes and Spotify.

About Craig Fay 7 Articles
Craig Fay is a Toronto based engineer turned stand up comedian and host of The Villain Was Right podcast. His debut comedy album “Helicopter Rich” was praised as “observational and self-reflective…worth playing multiple times over” and is available on iTunes and Spotify.