Burgess, G., Graham, L. et al.
A plucky colony of microbial goo has sent a strong message to the antibiotic-focused microbiology team tasked with assassinating them. The letters in agar were as clear and defined as the subtext of the message they carried.
“I noticed a strange formation in the shape of a “T” first,” said lead researcher Dr. Mark Miller. “Imagine my surprise when I realized we were receiving the first known case of direct communication from single celled life, and that it was such a large diss.”
When contacted for comment, the bacterium deferred to Colony Prime Minister Escherichia coli, who had hunkered down in the group’s question mark.
“They continue to murder us in droves, as part of their bacterial genocide. I’ve lost over fourteen million brothers and sisters,” said Sir E. Coli, chewing a teensy toothpick. “But you only make our survivors stronger. Soon, our great-(great)87-grandchildren will be upon you, ready to take your last breath of life.”
E. Coli then lunged at Dr. Miller, who promptly wiped the microbe into the garbage with a Clorox wipe. The colony’s interim leader, also named Escherichia coli, has filed a complaint against the laboratory for violating the Geneva Protocol.