Bankrupt Company Forced To Sell Customer’s Data Just To Afford Executive Bonuses

Graham, L., Conchord, F. et al

After getting bankrupted by a worldwide pandemic, executives from an airline company announced that they were selling millions of customer’s data to the highest bidder to ensure that their executives could keep their seven figure bonuses. The company also announced it was laying off its entire workforce without severance.

“Sadly, after we used customer data to pay our board members and shareholders, there was nothing left over for our valued employees, who we consider family,” said company founder, Marshall T. Williams IV.

While the company only sold off names and birthdates initially, they quickly realized that they’d have to sell credit information and social security numbers to scammers to pay for the complimentary yacht they promised departing executives.

As for the 14 million the company received in government relief funding?

“We threw in one of those Tiger King zoos on the executive package as a thank you for all their hard work during the bankruptcy.”

Update: Williams says that the company will now give employees their own data back after realizing the employees were too broke for it to be worth anything.

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Lexa Graham

Lexa Graham is a comedian with a Master’s degree in Chemical Engineering, and the founder and editor of DNAtured Journal. She has previously written for Reductress, CBC Comedy and also had her research published in The Canadian Journal of Chemical Engineering. You can follow her on Twitter @LexaGrammar.

About Lexa Graham 103 Articles
Lexa Graham is a comedian with a Master’s degree in Chemical Engineering, and the founder and editor of DNAtured Journal. She has previously written for Reductress, CBC Comedy and also had her research published in The Canadian Journal of Chemical Engineering. You can follow her on Twitter @LexaGrammar.