Whoa! This New Fluorescent Antibody Is Just As Dim As The Previous One, But Twice As Expensive!

Yousef, T. et al

Graduate students across the country are rejoicing now that they have received the eagerly anticipated reagent rite-Bio 2.0, a fluorescent antibody from biotech materials company Alpha Beta Phi Inc that offers the same dimness as its 1.0 predecessor at a markedly higher price. 

“I haven’t gotten anything in the mail except bills in months,” says graduate student Aisha Khan, “so even if the biomarker doesn’t help my research one bit, at least I have some new ice packs from the shipments.” 

One lab manager, who prefers to remain anonymous, is happy with the high sticker price of the new antibody, since he’s been siphoning rewards points from lab credit card purchases over the last several years. 

“This biomarker hasn’t improved my research images at all, but it has doubled my rewards points,” said the lab manager ecstatically.  “I might be able to afford that $200 flight to visit my sister soon,” he said. “I’m… probably not coming back.”

UPDATE: There has been a recall on Brite-Bio 2.0 as one laboratory group discovers it has a life-saving function in various terrible diseases, leading to the product’s use becoming proprietary because, well, they’re going to cash in on this. You thought this was about science and seeking truth toward a better world?

Get access to more dnatured

Support Tareq Yousef on Patreon and get more dnatured perks starting from just $1.00

About Author

Tareq Yousef

Tareq Yousef is like Queer Eye but, less fat-phobia and avocados, and more him being a queer PhD student doing vision research. When he’s not researching the fundamental neurobiological mechanisms of adaptation in the eye he’s like… “Am I gonna get a job?” Tareq co-hosts the No BS Nutrition Podcast, a weekly dose of nutrition science communication debunking your favourite fad diets and nutraceutical products, often from his neuroscience angle. (P.S. Apple cider vinegar does nothing). Read his neuroscience blog here and follow him on Twitter @TareqNeuro.

About Tareq Yousef 4 Articles
Tareq Yousef is like Queer Eye but, less fat-phobia and avocados, and more him being a queer PhD student doing vision research. When he’s not researching the fundamental neurobiological mechanisms of adaptation in the eye he’s like… “Am I gonna get a job?” Tareq co-hosts the No BS Nutrition Podcast, a weekly dose of nutrition science communication debunking your favourite fad diets and nutraceutical products, often from his neuroscience angle. (P.S. Apple cider vinegar does nothing). Read his neuroscience blog here and follow him on Twitter @TareqNeuro.