Yousef, T. et al
Graduate students across the country are rejoicing now that they have received the eagerly anticipated reagent rite-Bio 2.0, a fluorescent antibody from biotech materials company Alpha Beta Phi Inc that offers the same dimness as its 1.0 predecessor at a markedly higher price.
“I haven’t gotten anything in the mail except bills in months,” says graduate student Aisha Khan, “so even if the biomarker doesn’t help my research one bit, at least I have some new ice packs from the shipments.”
One lab manager, who prefers to remain anonymous, is happy with the high sticker price of the new antibody, since he’s been siphoning rewards points from lab credit card purchases over the last several years.
“This biomarker hasn’t improved my research images at all, but it has doubled my rewards points,” said the lab manager ecstatically. “I might be able to afford that $200 flight to visit my sister soon,” he said. “I’m… probably not coming back.”
UPDATE: There has been a recall on Brite-Bio 2.0 as one laboratory group discovers it has a life-saving function in various terrible diseases, leading to the product’s use becoming proprietary because, well, they’re going to cash in on this. You thought this was about science and seeking truth toward a better world?