Fashion Yikes! The Solar System’s Kuiper Belt Doesn’t Match its Kuiper Shoes

Meader, B. et al.

The known universe was recently disturbed by an astronomical fashion faux pas – the discovery that the solar system’s grey Kuiper belt clashes with its patterned Kuiper shoes.

“Even on a good day, this belt choice would be rocky at best,” said astronomer stylist Victoria Cartier. “We haven’t seen something as horrible as this belt-and-shoes combo since an asteroid killed the entire population of Mars.”

She says it doesn’t take a telescope to see that this outfit was a mistake! On top of the garish accessory choice, Cartier says the entire galactic get up has tons of flaws.

“While the rings that the solar system is wearing on its Saturn are quite fashionable, that big red spot on its Jupiter could have used a quick pass with a Tide-to-GoTM stick,” continued Cartier. “Not to mention that the fabric of spacetime it’s wearing absolutely should have been ironed – apparently, in space, nobody can hear you steam!” 

Cartier says that the best part of the solar system’s outfit is probably its Earth, which looks hotter and hotter every time we see it (“almost dangerously so”). 

It’s clear that the solar system did its best, but with an outfit like that all you can do is go home, take a long meteor shower, and try again tomorrow.

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About Author

Brad Meader

Brad Meader is currently working in a microbiology lab and has a proven track record of producing laughable scientific papers. He is best known as half of the pop-punk power duo The Dough Minions.

About Brad Meader 5 Articles
Brad Meader is currently working in a microbiology lab and has a proven track record of producing laughable scientific papers. He is best known as half of the pop-punk power duo The Dough Minions.