Hottie Alert! The James Webb Telescope Just Found A New Heavenly Body That Is Absolutely Jacked

by Carl, J. et al

New photos from the historic James Webb telescope were finally released to the media last week, and the pictures are absolutely astounding. The heavenly bodies appearing therein are some of the most muscular and fit that scientists have ever seen.

“The detail is absolutely stunning,” said astrophysicist Luna Rodriguez. “Because of the long distance the light has traveled, we’re actually looking into the universe’s past and those biceps are absolutely shredded,” she added, “meaning that by now they must be truly massive in a way we simply hadn’t hitherto imagined.”

The pictures offer new insights into distant galaxies, though there is concern from some about the realism portrayed by these smoking hot nebulas.

“I’d like to emphasize that we haven’t touched up these photos at all,” commented Rodriguez, “We’ve all become overly comfortable with seeing the airbrushed images of stellar physiques in magazines and social media, but these are a 100% authentic representation in the standard visible spectrum,” she assured us. 

“Those abs are as real as the gravitational forces holding this universe together,” said Rodriguez, while gently fanning herself.

Rodriguez and her team are optimistic about how these findings will affect future funding initiatives, stating, “We are always struggling to fund large-scale space projects, due to their inherent high costs, but with these latest images being certified thirst traps, we’ve set up an OnlyFans to fund our next mission.”

At the time of this article’s referencing, the galactic OnlyFans account revenue has already surpassed NASA’s annual budget. 

“The people have made their feelings clear…” said Rodriguez. “They’re horny for space.”

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Jimmy Carl

Jimmy Carl is a freelance comedian, scientist, and writer.

About Jimmy Carl 3 Articles
Jimmy Carl is a freelance comedian, scientist, and writer.