Study Shows 420% of Introductory Astronomy Class Ripped As Fuck Right Now

Finch, D. et al

A new study published in the Journal of Buducational Research shows that somehow 420% of students in Astronomy 101 courses at Bogart University are currently stoned out of their fucking minds. This is unsurprising, according to Introduction To Astronomy 101 professor Dr. Karen Lapkus.

“Students typically take my course to meet an introductory science credit requirement,” said Dr. Lapkus, “and because the class starts at 4:20pm.” 

The study, a joint collaboration between researchers at Terpene College and Bogart University, included some blunt words from several of its subjects.

Honestly, I just took this class cuz I was tired of watching Interstellar high for the 800th time,” said student Tyler Harris, who openly vapes in class. He adds that, despite being blazed every class, he has never learned so much from a single course before. “It’s like, each sunspot on the Sun is the size of the Earth… and the Sun is a star, and every single star in the night sky is the size of the Sun… and there are billions of suns in the Milky Way! It’s like, all of human civilization is so fucking tiny and insignificant,” said Harris, who then stared off into the distance for ten minutes.

“I was in class, absolutely ripped, and it’s like, okay if the Sun is a star, does that mean the Moon is a star too?” said student Ashley Warner, who didn’t realize she had asked the question out loud until an exasperated Dr. Lapkus answered that no, the moon is just a moon.

Warner then added that after class she usually goes to Taco Bell to munch on Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos with her classmates and discuss how the entire universe could be a computer simulation.

Get access to more dnatured

Support David Finch on Patreon and get more dnatured perks starting from just $1.00
Become a patron at Patreon!

About Author