Classroom Order Finally Restored Three Months After Student Confuses The Words “Organism” And “Orgasm”

Hallworth, M. et al.

A seventh grade science class, led by Lisa Wallace of  Our Holy Heart Middle School, has finally returned back to normal several months after a student said “orgasm” in place of the word “organism.”

“We were just starting a unit on biology that was supposed to take three weeks, but as soon as Adam said ‘orgasm’, we had to push everything back,” explains Wallace. “That was, what, two months ago? The students just returned to school yesterday.”

Adam Sullivan, the guilty student, claims it was an accident. “Since we don’t have sex ed at Catholic school, I learned about the word after my dad left his naughty site on the computer,” said Sullivan. “Since then I’ve just got orgasms on the brain!” After the interview, he was quickly ushered out of the school while he continued to shout about orgasms.

“It’s a simple mistake, but I really hope this stops happening” says Wallace. “I can’t keep losing full months of teaching. Last time this happened, we were studying nutrition and one of the questions in the Question Box was ‘Does Homo Milk come from Gay Cows?’”

Wallace fears that with continued disruptions, the students may never know the true meaning of photosynthesis.

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About Author

Marc Hallworth

Marc Hallworth has been part of NXNE, SiriusXM Radio's “Canada Laughs,” and was chosen as the host for part of the 2015 PanAm Games. His sketch troupe Vest of Friends was named Best-of-the-Fest at the 2016 Toronto SketchFest and the 2015 Montreal SketchFest, and one of Bite.ca's “10 Canadian Sketch Troupes You Need To See Right Now.”