Ito, R. et al
An aging praying mantis is growing concerned that there are no decent mates for her to settle down with and then devour.
“I’m already 3 months old.” The mantis told the press, after spending 5 minutes straightening her antennae. “All of my friends are either eaten or have kids by now. My relatives are getting concerned.”
According to the mantis, there are a number of obstacles in her search for a mate. “My friends say I’m too picky, but all I want is someone who takes care of himself, can do a good mating dance, and doesn’t have a weird aftertaste.”
“Things were a lot simpler in my parents’ day. Just wait until a curious child throws you in a jar with a strapping young male, then do the nasty and eat his head. Now, you don’t just have to compete with all the 3 week-olds out there, but now there are frogs who are eating more males than me!”
At press time, the mantis was reportedly stressing about finding a date for her sister’s wedding buffet.