Marine Biologists Nervously Excited To Soon Be Only Type Of Biologist

Ito, R. et al.

Marine life researcher Kelsey Moonan is reluctant to admit it, but she is kind of looking forward to rising sea levels since her field will be the only form of biology left to study.

“2050 is going to be a great year for us marine biologists!” Moonan wrote in a recent article. “Once all life on Earth has no other choice but to become marine life, we’ll have no more limitations on what weirdo species we can study! Plus, we’ll finally get to see who wins the “Adapt or Die” pool we set up at the university.”

Moonan is already brainstorming her next bets for when the last livable land mass is below sea level. “I’m personally torn between which fish species will be the first to claim the Serengeti, how fast the whale population will adapt to eating waterfront property dwellers, and whether the surviving humans will finally tame sharks, or vice versa.”

Marine biology isn’t the only field that’s expected to grow. For the first time in decades, oceanography is expected to grow once a few Biblical-level floods hit important population centers. 

“I’ve got so many plans for the coming years,” said oceanographer Phillip Todd, dusting off his old sextant. “There are so many mountaintops I want to rename as islands!” 

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