Newborn Joey Already Identifies As More Of A Chandler

Pearce, D. et al.

A staple of the Australian animal kingdom, young kangaroo joeys can often be spotted in the pouch of their mother, calling out “how you doin” to any tourists who will listen, and after nine months they leave the pouch to go start their own sitcom that nobody really wanted in the first place. But not everyone is happy with playing the fool for ten seasons.

A local kangaroo has recently given birth to Bing, a precocious young joey who is already snarkily dodging society’s norms, and says that after confirming with several Buzzfeed quizzes, he sees himself as more of a Chandler. 

“His first words were ‘don’t call me Joey, that’s a girls name,’” explained Jacinta, the marsupial’s mother. “He can be quite a pouchful! He’s been doing this thing lately where he says ‘To be, or Wallabie?’” which gets pretty annoying after 22 minutes.

For months, Bing has continued to exhibit behavior that has caused us as scientists to wonder “…how could you stand talking to this guy for more than like five minutes?” Jacinta has confirmed that if she were not his mother, she would most certainly throw Bing into the ocean, and can’t imagine how someone could even pretend to be friends with him for more than two seasons.

We asked Chandler-roo if he had any thoughts about Australia’s current wild fires, he said: “Australia has always felt like living in a toilet, the only difference is now it feels like living in the toilet of a Chipoltle”, and then paused made a stupid face, as if he were waiting for something to happen. 

Jacinta has hopes that Bing will turn it around once someone tells him life was gonna be this way. 

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About Author

Dan Pearce

Dan Pearce performs stand up comedy all over Toronto and is also the creator of DotMP3, a sketch comedy channel on Youtube.

About Dan Pearce 7 Articles
Dan Pearce performs stand up comedy all over Toronto and is also the creator of DotMP3, a sketch comedy channel on Youtube.