Hallworth, M., Graham, L. et al.
In an effort to accommodate longer working hours and reduce employee turnover, furniture company Wayfair has released a new office chair capable of providing superb ergonomic support while demoralizing employees into staying at their current job.
“The new chairs are great!” praised one anonymous CEO. “The old chairs were so uncomfortable that employees were routinely leaving work after only 9 or 10 hours.”
He added that, with the old chairs, employees would often get up and socialize, talking about their salaries and benefits. “We had quite a few union scares!” he chuckled.
Wayfair says the chair works is designed to be comfortable, (but not too comfortable) for up to 24-hours, and can be programmed to periodically remind employees how tough the job market is right now for their specific career.
“I dunno, since we got these new chairs in the office, I’ve stopped looking for a new job,” says Gary Tucker, a Junior Engineer at Cobalt Engineering. “It feels like I should be comfortable, because this company is a family, does that make sense? I dunno, I haven’t seen my wife or newborn son in weeks.”
The chairs are currently sold out, but can be ordered at wayfair.com for only $179.99 (plus a piece of your soul).