Ito, R. et al.
Professor Tyrone A. Cornelius, one of academia’s most out of sight minds, has developed a counter-measure to what he calls “freaky-deaky levels of un-gnarliness in the world” by proposing that every household in the country spend an hour listening to American band Earth, Wind, and Fire in order to “bring back the funk.”
“If we listen to our favorite hits from the impressive discography of EWF for just one hour, we could reduce jive emissions by as much as 65%,” said Cornelius, who teaches Groovy Environmentalism at the University of Funky Town. “If we continue to do nothing, the planet will be completely square by 2050!”
Professor Cornelius has also proposed a list of activities to do while parking in Earth, Wind and Fire hour. “You could smoke a doobie, tidy up your crib, do some shagging, whatever, man! Although, I think it’s safe to hypothesis that you should probably just spend the sixty minutes boogy-ing! Just make sure to use an environmentally conscious disco ball when you’re getting down.”
Surprisingly, The Man has not only looked at Professor Cornelius’s proposal, but seems to be with it. “I have to admit, I was skeptical that a global tubularing is possible.” Admits Ministry of the Environment staffer Adam Wells, A.K.A. the Man. “But any man that can pull off that many rhinestones on a lab coat clearly knows something I don’t so I better pass this along.”
At press time, Professor Cornelius is still seeking to get funding for his experimental spaceship that runs purely on George Clinton music.
