Epidemiologists Sound Alarm About Drastic Increase In “Disappearing Spine Disease” Currently Ravaging Elected Officials

For more information about treating spinelessness, please read The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas and How to be an Anti-Racist by Ibrahim X. Kendi. Also, you can attend a protest in your area, or give to causes like Black Lives Matter and Mutual Aid NYC.

Public health officials are growing increasingly alarmed at the emergence of a new disease threatening elected officials that involves a complete collapse of accountability in the person’s moral system. The disease’s most prominent symptoms include platitudes, empty gestures, the strong smell of pepper spray, and an increase in police brutality lawsuits, which all signify that the backbone has completely disappeared. 

Though scientists have no cure for the disease, which seems to destroy “moral center” of the spine, they are seeing positive results from some public shaming of infected officials.

“This set of conditions seems limited to people in leadership positions,” says Dr. Sternwell, a neurologist. “So we’ve classified it as an occupational hazard. We encourage the public to continue demanding justice and equality, as it seems to help spine regrowth.”

It is feared by many that this spinelessness could spread to other members of the community, though, as some reports appear to indicate. Dr. Sternwell reports some simple steps to take in order to ensure that one’s spine stays in its proper location. 

“We have seen that spines remain strong among activists and allies, so we recommend either showing your support by marching or protesting, which are good for bone strength, or by donating to bail funds or Black Lives Matter. Experts believe that this may also strengthen the moral center and thereby protect the spine.

“It’s not too late,” says Dr. Sternwell to the afflicted, “spinelessness is a treatable disease if you commit to standing up for other people.”

For more information about treating spinelessness, please read The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas and How to be an Anti-Racist by Ibrahim X. Kendi. Also, go to a protest or donate to Black Lives Matter or Mutual Aid NYC.

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