Richards, V. et al
In a stunning development in microscopic technology, a team of scientists have been able to look into the dusty, mostly-uninhabited microscopic realm that holds their latest grant.
Able to view objects smaller than an atom, the microscope’s purpose-built lens was designed to focus on incredibly small, inaccessible objects, and eventually allowed the group to see the imperceptibly small amount of money they had been allocated up close.
One of the scientists on the project, Priya Sharma, spoke to us about the significance of this development.
“While we always thought that funding for our specialty existed, it was always hypothetical – like gravitons, or affordable housing – but now we have proof.”
“We had to do a test to make sure it was what we were really seeing, but the money reacted to our investigations by frantically eating itself up, which is exactly how these grants usually respond.”
Much like some subatomic particles, the money also appears able to exist in two separate places at once, after an administrative error awarded it to two different projects. Neither lab is able to physically access the money.
Given the money’s unstable nature, the researchers have been attempting to adapt the microscope to view any potential future funding, but fear such extreme levels of magnification may be beyond their power.
“Seeing it is only the first step,” said Sharma. “Now we need to explain why it is so small. One theory is that there exists another substance called anti-money that has cancelled a lot of it out. Now perhaps if we can redirect that anti-money towards the defence budget or Elon Musk instead, that would really help us out.”
However, if this theory proves to be false, the team are investigating other possible ventures, such as developing a growth ray to apply to the grant, or instead working on a matter converter that can transform monopoly money into real money.