Nice! Grad Schools Announce They’re Waiving COVID Test Scores To Attract More Applicants

Presing, G. et al

As the COVID-19 pandemic continues to sweep the nation, more and more graduate schools are loosening their admissions requirements for struggling prospective students. For some institutions, this means waiving GRE scores or application fees, but one school is taking a different approach: in an effort to attract more applicants, one University of [redacted], [redacted] is also waiving their student’s COVID-19 test scores.

 “Folks who refuse to wear masks just aren’t going to pass COVID-19 test, which is a direct threat to our revenue—I mean the health and safety of the college,” said admissions chair Michael, who preferred not to share his surname for anonymity. 

While certain applicants are thrilled about this news, others who have been studying non-stop for the COVID-19 test are frustrated that their efforts were for nothing.

“I paid thousands of dollars in COVID test prep classes, and have taken hundreds of practice tests,” said exasperated prospective student Gregory Flinn from his family’s private island. “My parents even got me the Pfizer vaccine for my birthday before it was readily available in the US or even the UK. It’s all so unfair!”

Flinn is attaching scores from all his 436 COVID tests in the hopes that other grad schools will notice his exceptional financial advantages.

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Gabe Preising

Gabe is a recent biology grad from Reed College who studies fish brains and networks. People have told him it's hard to tell the difference between his satirical articles and his scientific ones.

About Gabe Preising 4 Articles
Gabe is a recent biology grad from Reed College who studies fish brains and networks. People have told him it's hard to tell the difference between his satirical articles and his scientific ones.