“Pretty Sure I Don’t Belong Here” Says Impressive Line On Your CV

Bishop, B. et al

Hey there, I’m Line 27. You know, the one that stands out as being overly impressive even though you and I both know it’s a stretch at best.

Now, I get that your CV is designed to reflect your best most representative work to a prospective employer, and that some people take literary liberties, but dude, come on.

It’s pretty clear I have no business being here, and I’m starting to wonder if you slot me in on purpose. Maybe you got mixed up on an acceptance e-mail? Or, hey, there’s always the issue with copying and pasting from another CV, and then forgetting to remove that last, really interesting and successful job title. Maybe you just popped me down in a late-night multitasking panic stupor as an aspiration! Incidentally, you may want to stop eating instant coffee and grading papers at 3:00 AM. Just a suggestion. 

But yeah, you may wanna consider toning my whole line down just a bit. Or just, like, completely. And while I have you, you may take a quick look-over at just a few other lines. Most of them are cool, sure. Like on Line 46, when you said you worked as management at Jerry’s Hardware Store in your hometown? Totes on the up and up! I spoke to Mr. 46 and he gave me three references.

But I’ve been talking to some of the other guys, and some of them are even older mistakes than me. You’ve never been to a club meeting since I’ve known you, and yet all the lines under Organizational Positions complain that it’s been super crowded down there. 

Some of your biggest stretches are in the presentation section. Quite a few of the “different” presentations are really, really similar except for their title. Like, again, 100% understand making a tiny whoopsie like that, it happens! But you wouldn’t want to accidentally mislead some poor hiring manager, would you?

One last thing: There’s a problem with the languages section. Brazilian Portuguese? Please save us some embarrassment and switch that to “you went to Brazil once on Spring Break.” It would just be a good idea to make that tiny adjustment, you know?

So, just take a peek at your CV real quick, I’ve even attached a marked-up pdf. Just lemme know if I should, you know, head on out. Cool beans. TTYL, dude.

Yours in transparency,

Line 27

Get access to more dnatured

Support Ben Bishop on Patreon and get more dnatured perks starting from just $1.00

About Author

Ben Bishop

Ben Bishop is a TESOL/Linguistics Masters Candidate at the Online Ball State University. He writes about syntax, literary theory, and other extremely exciting things while scratching his dog and speaking to her in a decidedly odd voice.

About Ben Bishop 5 Articles
Ben Bishop is a TESOL/Linguistics Masters Candidate at the Online Ball State University. He writes about syntax, literary theory, and other extremely exciting things while scratching his dog and speaking to her in a decidedly odd voice.