Burgess, G., Kaplan, J., Conchord, F., Graham, L. et al
Professor Earl Foreman, who has been on away on quarantine for the past few weeks, recently asked a few grad students if they wouldn’t mind stopping by his Google Document regularly to feed his pet theory.
Professor Foreman, who calls his pet “Theo,” for short, says caring for him is easy so long as you follow some simple instructions. “Theo appreciates getting complimented for his novelty three times a day and should be fed with the fortified ego-boosters only years of subservience can buy.”
But be careful about complicating the feeding process. “Theo only eats things that are easy to digest. Nothing too complicated or esoteric; that makes his tummy hurt.”
Apart from his idea feedings, professor Foreman also asks grad students to give Theo some proper exercise, even when that proves difficult.
“Though Theo can sometimes seem very focused, he’s actually just roaming around without any guidance and getting lost. Try to keep him on the right track before he veers off into another tangent.”