Protocol: How To Disappoint Your PI Remotely

Kaplan, J., Crooks, T. et al

While working from home has its challenges, it’s important that your supervisor remain as dismayed with your progress as possible. Here are some ways to let down your PI with social distancing in mind!

Have spotty WiFi

First and foremost, be sure your WiFi signal is spotty at best. A poor internet connection will get any virtual communication off to a disappointing start.

Avoid definite language

When sending updates, avoid using hard deadlines like “next Friday” or “by the the first”. Vague and open ended statements will help to ensure you engage in little to no commitment. Try replacing deadlines with “soon” or “by the end of the month” (no one explicitly said which month).

Send corrupted files 

When your PI demands results can’t open them, act confused and above all else, deny any knowledge of the issue.

Blame quarantine

Need the results from that experiment a few months ago? Damn! It’s in your lab notebook and tragically you left it back in the lab.

Background noise

Ensure your significant other is working on loud but “important” tasks in the background. For extra credit, give your dogs something to bark at for hours on end.

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