Scientist’s Eureka Moment Downgraded To Coffee High

Conchord, F., LeeLun, L. et al

After several hours of fast pacing around and irreverent ramblings to various members of his lab, Professor Dr. Jeremy Myeres finally conceded that his earlier “eureka” moment was probably just a fleeting coffee high. 

“I thought I had solved one of the biggest mysteries of my research career, and wondered if this moment of clarity would help propel my research past all my competitors,” said a rather jittery Dr. Myeres. 

“He was going on and on about pie-in-the-sky ideas like ‘proposing award-winning projects’ and ‘securing funding to hire a few graduate students,’” said Molly DeBeers, a graduate student who overheard Dr. Meyers. DeBeers said she also witnessed Dr. Myeres pacing back and forth between the lab and his office, speaking to himself while making hand gestures excitedly. 

Dr. Meyers said the effects of the coffee wore off about an hour later. 

“After a while realized that it sounded a bit too optimistic for research,” said a defeated Dr. Meyers. “My life couldn’t possibly be solved with one sip of super strong coffee, could it?!”

Unfortunately, he had already forced one of his grad students to begin one of the eureka projects.

“I was like, holy shit, I gotta get Jake in, my most successful graduate student, he can validate my theory after just a few months. We just gotta get into the lab and get started on it ASAP,” said a now disenchanted Dr. Myeres. 

“Yeah, I knew it was bogus but I just nodded as usual,” said Jake Knaughton. 

Later that day, Jake had spent a mere 5 minutes to explain to the professor they’d already had this conversation before and how he should probably cut down on his caffeine intake. And that he was now actually on his fifth cup of the day.

After several glasses of water and 4 days of detoxing, Prof. Jeremy Myeres was seen reminiscing about the time he thought he was going to change the entire course of the field of synthetic biology earlier in the week.

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About Author

Fragnance Conchord

Fragnance Conchord is a day-time scientist pursuing comedy as a side-gig. Fragnance has written for Robotbutt, Blaffo and recently contributed to the book "Welcome To The Future Which Is Mine" by Not Elon Musk. Twitter: @FConchord

Laura LeeLun

Laura LeeLun is a screenwriter, satirist, and podcaster based in Chicago. She co-hosts Riff Riff Revolution with Perry Hunt, where she interviews performers and writers from under-represented backgrounds. Her short humor has been published on such sites as McSweeney's, Belladonna, and Points in Case.

About Fragnance Conchord 5 Articles
Fragnance Conchord is a day-time scientist pursuing comedy as a side-gig. Fragnance has written for Robotbutt, Blaffo and recently contributed to the book "Welcome To The Future Which Is Mine" by Not Elon Musk. Twitter: @FConchord