Graham, L. et al.
As an adjunct professor or teaching assistant, most of your off-hours will be spent marking nonsensical research papers or lab reports for little to no pay. Here are a few drink specials to get you as the drunk students who wrote them!
𝒞𝒶𝓃’𝓉 𝒹𝑒𝒸𝒾𝓅𝒽𝑒𝓇 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝓈𝓉𝓊𝒹𝑒𝓃𝓉’𝓈 𝒽𝒶𝓃𝒹𝓌𝓇𝒾𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔? Simply mix mint leaves, discount limeade, ice and soda with forty eight parts rum and drink until the chicken scratch makes sense.
Be careful! Marking the papers of delusional pre-med students can be a landmine of grade grubbing and excuses. Add two parts Curaçao and a pint of tequila to a vitamin C tablet. After you bomb their GPA, add their tears as bitters.
Long-Weekend Iced Tea
Over the holidays, it’s nice to kick back with a few hundred exams that have to be graded by yesterday. Mix every kind of alcohol you have on hand and get the pink elephant to lend you a hand.
Missed brunch with friends again because your grad school stipend doesn’t cover $12 mimosas and $15 avocado toast? Invite fellow TAs over and make a pitcher of screw-U-drivers! Add 1 package orange tang (all you can afford) with an entire bottle of discount vodka. Put all papers in a pile (regardless of class, year, or discipline) and mark your share.
Uh oh you left marking to the last minute, again! Crush some adderall into a pineapple, then smash the pineapple into pulp with a coconut, then pour the mixture into your mouth and snort as much rum as you can. Don’t get distracted.
Bloody Marie Curie
Warning!!! This drink is highly toxic and only recommended for grading chemistry lab reports. Mix absinthe with Atomik vodka (with potatoes harvested from the Chernobyl exclusion zone) and pour into a hollowed out tomato (the atom). Try not to die 🙂