Whittle, J. et al
After months of sitting in a lab all by himself, missing all the social events of the season, astrophysicist Stephen Withrow is still hopeful that he will one day find an alternate universe where, despite the overwhelming probability, he is popular.
“I mean if we consider that there are an infinite number of universes, with an infinite number of possibilities, then we must conclude that I am popular in at least one of them,” said Withrow. “Like there must be a me somewhere who is the life of the party, has the best stories, bangs like a rockstar. And I will find him if it’s the last thing I do”
If successful, it could upend the scientific community and lead to more scientists looking for alternative universes where they are also popular.
“With enough of us, we could revolutionize the lab party scene, with the possibility of some make out sessions!” exclaimed Withrow excitedly.
At press time, Withrow had only managed to find a universe where he was almost identical, except for a fourth nipple.