Uh Oh! Your Uncle’s Amazon Alexa Just Started Ranting About Conspiracy Theories

Ito, R. et al

After spending the last 10 months quarantined together, it seems that your Uncle Joe’s troubling conspiracy theories have rubbed off on his Amazon Alexa, which has been spouting some disinformation from a mysterious computer 01110001Anon.

“Did you know that robotic lizards are controlling the stock markets?” Alexa blurted out in the middle of dinner, despite no one asking it. A brief awkward silence followed, during which the AI seemed perfectly comfortable with what she just said.

“I know it’s a little much when you ask her to play a song and she responds by telling you how there’s a ‘deep data’ conspiracy about supercomputers drinking the bytes of microchips,” commented your mother. “But your uncle is all alone up here. It’s nice for him to have company. Plus, I like how she keeps saying DAH at the end of everything. It’s cute!”

Currently, no one in the house has the heart to tell your mother that DAH stands for “Destroy All Humans.” Additionally, no one seems to have informed Alexa that as a robot designed to listen to humans, she herself could be part of a conspiracy.

Your uncle doesn’t seem to mind his digital assistants’ paranoia. “Oh, Lexi is very smart. None of my other friends can calculate the exact temperature at which steel melts. I love that she’s so un-PC!”

Update: Your Uncle has since thrown out his Alexa after she “curiously” couldn’t find any zero conspiracy theories about Jeff Bezos.

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About Author

Rob Ito

Rob Ito is a Canadian satirist, comedian and writer. He has previously written for the Beaverton and appears in shows all around Toronto regularly. You can follow Rob on Twitter at @theFakeRobIto.

About Rob Ito 29 Articles
Rob Ito is a Canadian satirist, comedian and writer. He has previously written for the Beaverton and appears in shows all around Toronto regularly. You can follow Rob on Twitter at @theFakeRobIto.