Whoa! Dark Matter Is So Massive Scientists Now Think It Might Be Made Up Of Professor Egos

Finch, D. et al

A new study published in the journal Astrophysical Hyperbole Tuesday presents compelling evidence that the majority of dark matter, which makes up approximately 84% of the matter in the universe, is made up entirely of professor egos.  

The scientists used a Hubriscope to measure the mass and distribution of professor egos, and found they are much larger and more widely distributed than expected.

While not surprised about the large role they play in the cosmos, many professor were stunned that such a determination could be made by such non-academic scientists.

“This confirms a theory I published back when I was a grad student at Harvard” said Prof. Alexander Delhomme, who was not involved in the study and manages to mention he attended Harvard University in every conversation. Delhomme said he was disappointed the authors forgot to cite his paper in the recent publication, and immediately emailed the authors and their colleagues, friends, and family members to let them know.

We reached out to the lead author, a professor himself, who said his time is too valuable to waste explaining his work to lay journalists. However, several other researchers familiar with the study suggested that the next step would be determining if the remaining 5% of dark matter could be made of astrophysicists’ ids or super-egos.

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