Op-Ed by Thomas Dolby: I’m Embarrassed to Admit That She Didn’t Blind Me With Science, I Blinded Myself By Staring Into the Sun During a Solar Eclipse

Springer, D., Graham, L. et al.

In 1982, I released my biggest hit, “She Blinded Me With Science,” a harrowing synth-pop account of how a woman, through the use of science, robbed me of my sight. I am deeply ashamed to admit that I lied. The woman in question did not blind me with science. Rather, despite her repeated warnings against it, I blinded myself by staring directly into the sun during a solar eclipse.

I couldn’t help myself! A solar eclipse is so rare, and craved the chance to witness it. And that goddamm eclipse promptly blew out my corneas. The sad truth is that because I didn’t believe that a woman could possibly know about the complex retinal physics, I was ultimately blinded by my male chauvinism.

I couldn’t tell the truth about my blindness, fearing the damage to my reputation as a cerebral British electronic-music pioneer. So, I concocted a song that blamed my blindness to the aforementioned woman and her eyes, deep as any ocean, and her dancing, truly poetry in motion. And while her love-making truly did put the spheres in commotion, it in no way contributed to my complete loss of vision in both eyes.

I apologize to Miss Sakamoto, and hope that I can one day hear her machinery whirring once again.

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About Author

Darren Springer

Darren Springer is a writer living in Toronto who has been published in Splitsider, CBC Comedy, and bite.ca. He can also be found at darrendspringer.bandcamp.com

About Darren Springer 13 Articles
Darren Springer is a writer living in Toronto who has been published in Splitsider, CBC Comedy, and bite.ca. He can also be found at darrendspringer.bandcamp.com