Darren Springer is a writer living in Toronto who has been published in Splitsider, CBC Comedy, and bite.ca. He can also be found at darrendspringer.bandcamp.com
“If you want the satisfaction of having outlived virtually all of your friends and family, be sure to eat only fruit, vegetables, nuts, leafy greens and water.”
The woman in question did not blind me with science. Rather, despite her repeated warnings against it, I blinded myself by staring directly into the sun during a solar eclipse.
Dads everywhere took time out from reading the paper in front of a muted 24-hour news broadcast to announce that you have no reason to be sad given how good you have it here in in this country, you ingrate.
