Nutritionists Recommend Replacing Deep-Fried Chocolate-Dipped Bacon-Wrapped Ice Cream Sundaes with Baked Chocolate-Dipped Bacon-Wrapped Ice Cream Sundaes

Springer, D. et al.

Nutritionists at Harvard have announced most people would benefit from swapping out deep-fried chocolate-dipped bacon-wrapped ice cream sundaes, a common dietary staple, with baked chocolate-dipped bacon-wrapped ice cream sundaes at least once a week [1].

“Our study has shown that baking your chocolate-dipped bacon-wrapped ice cream sundaes rather than deep-frying them cuts down on calories, saturated fat, and cholesterol by as much as ‘some,’” said Dr. Curtis Anderson, head of the study. “Subjects who made the change reported marginally less labored breathing, milder gout, and shorter ‘sugar comas’.

Additionally, most of the people who switched to baked sundaes also experienced hallucinations that were less intense, or at least less cool, than those they experienced by deep-frying them.”

While the health benefits were obvious, some surveyed said they were unlikely to make the change on a permanent basis [2].

“It just doesn’t taste the same,” lamented Ellen Rawlings, 52. “Sure, there’s the sweetness of the chocolate and ice cream, and the salt and grease of the bacon, but you just don’t have the additional extra oiliness you’d get from a deep-fried chocolate-dipped bacon-wrapped ice cream sundae. You might as well be eating grass.”

The team behind the study, meanwhile, has also announced plans to investigate the advantages of switching to regular three-meat poutine from sprinkle-covered three-meat poutine.

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Darren Springer

Darren Springer is a writer living in Toronto who has been published in Splitsider, CBC Comedy, and bite.ca. He can also be found at darrendspringer.bandcamp.com

About Darren Springer 15 Articles
Darren Springer is a writer living in Toronto who has been published in Splitsider, CBC Comedy, and bite.ca. He can also be found at darrendspringer.bandcamp.com