Confidential sources inside NASA have revealed that mechanical engineer Sima Gill has ended her relationship with co-worker Ryan Cairn over what she described as “a complete lack of thrust.”
“Being with him was a real Challenger,” said Gill, “actually, no this was worse. At least a spaceship exploding has some excitement.”
While sad, this failure to launch is not uncommon. Similar collaborations have failed from not having a clear trajectory, accelerating too quickly, or chronic early payload release.
Gill also remarked that Cain took no initiative whatsoever. “If I wanted a boyfriend I constantly had to instruct, I’d date C++.”
Cain defended himself, adding that dating Gill was no “walk on the moon” either.
“I mean I’d say cool stuff like ‘This is gonna be a walk on the moon!’ if something was gonna be easy, and then she’d be all like ‘that’s not an expression!’ said Cain. “We’d argue for awhile, then later, I would prematurely ejaculate. I just don’t get what she was missing, I did everything right!”
It seems that Gill is already moving on, and went on a date with a microbiologist just yesterday. However, she didn’t seem too positive about it, when asked she said “She had tons of thrust, but I’m worried there isn’t enough chemistry between us.”