Ruh-Roh! Laika, The Russian Dog Who Was Launched Into And Abandoned In Space, Is Coming Back… And She’s Pissed!

In the most extreme case of “dogs always manage to find their way home,” a Russian dog is making the 2,000 km trip to her home on earth. You might not remember when Russia launched Laika, a stray dog, into space in 1957 and left her for dead. But Laika remembers.

NASA reports indicate that the furious, fur-covered astronaut is currently hurtling towards the Earth in a ship that looks like a giant dog’s head. Based on the rotation of the Earth and the craft’s current speed, Laika will smash directly into the Kremlin in a few days. The only transmissions received from the ship have been pictures of bared teeth, aggressive barks, and videos of Laika urinating on Russian maps.

It’s unclear how she survived in the vacuum of space far beyond her natural lifespan, and even more unclear how she built a ship. The only thing that is clear is in spite of being a dog, she does understand the concept of revenge.

“We are both proud and terrified of our little traveller,” said Russian officials, while President Vladimir Putin himself told press “To be abandoned in space, and return stronger, ready to kill? This is the Russian way. If we are to be murdered by a vengeful space dog, then we will be murdered by a vengeful space dog. So be it.”

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Amar Singh

Amar Singh is a stand-up comic and math student in Toronto. Thankfully, he's much better at comedy, so if you enjoyed an article, follow him on social media!

About Amar Singh 6 Articles
Amar Singh is a stand-up comic and math student in Toronto. Thankfully, he's much better at comedy, so if you enjoyed an article, follow him on social media!