Great White Shark Acknowledges Its Great White Privilege

Graham, L., Hallworth, M. et al.

Bruce Carcharodon, a great white shark from the Atlantic Ocean, has finally acknowledged that he benefits from being an apex predator in an ocean characterized by inequality.

“I can swim into any ocean and not be questioned about whether or not I belong,” said Carcharodon, “partly because my species is common to almost every body of water, and partly because we eat anyone who crosses us. I can recognize that now.”

“We’re happy that Bruce finally sees it,” says Sheila Eurypharynx, a pelican eel, who notes that while great white sharks kill several people per year, the media often shows their graduation photos instead of mugshots.

Eurypharynx also says sharks are overrepresented in Hollywood ocean movies. “They have Jaws, Jaws 2, Jaws 3, Jaws: Revenge, The Meg, The Reef, The Shallows, Deep Blue Sea, and over a hundred movies on IMDB. There are six Sharknadoes. Six. Where are the pelican eel romcoms?”

Carcharodon says it took a long time to recognize his inherent advantages.

“I used to think it was my hard work that made me the top of the food chain,” said Carcharodon, “but then I realized, all by myself with no help from anyone, that I didn’t have to work to get my 300 teeth – I was just born with them.”

(Editor’s note: several ocean creatures disputed this claim, saying that Carcharodon was told various times about his great white privilege, but refused to believe them until another great white shark explained it to him.)

Carcharodon plans to use his new found knowledge about great white privilege to educate others by posting about it on social media.

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About Author

Lexa Graham

Lexa Graham is a comedian with a Master’s degree in Chemical Engineering, and the founder and editor of dnatured. She has previously written for Reductress, CBC Comedy and also had her research published in The Canadian Journal of Chemical Engineering.

Marc Hallworth

Marc Hallworth has been part of NXNE, SiriusXM Radio's “Canada Laughs,” and was chosen as the host for part of the 2015 PanAm Games. His sketch troupe Vest of Friends was named Best-of-the-Fest at the 2016 Toronto SketchFest and the 2015 Montreal SketchFest, and one of Bite.ca's “10 Canadian Sketch Troupes You Need To See Right Now.”

About Lexa Graham 52 Articles
Lexa Graham is a comedian with a Master’s degree in Chemical Engineering, and the founder and editor of dnatured. She has previously written for Reductress, CBC Comedy and also had her research published in The Canadian Journal of Chemical Engineering.