Fish File Complaint After Sharp Increase In Trash Dumped Into Their Waters

Ito, R. et al

While many in Bristol, Virginia, Belgium, and the world are celebrating the removal and unceremonious dumping of the statues of racist slave-traders into nearby bodies of water, the local fish community is “up in fins” as the move has decreased both the water quality and their morale.

“We put up with a lot of disgusting, discarded garbage being thrown in our waters, but this is too far,” said chairman of the Bristol Harbour Marine Citizens Committee Phineas T. Carp, who says the statue of Colston crashed right into his neighbour’s living pool. 

“If you’re going to throw your trash down here, can you at least throw something else in to cover it up?”

“It’s really upsetting,” said Bubbles, a local pike. “Why do we have to be reminded of all the nasty things humans do to each other? We don’t force our own kind into bondage and then commemorate the ones who profited off it. We just eat each other as nature intended.”

Some in the bay are seeing the statue’s relocation as a step in the right direction, albeit a slow one. “It’s good to see the humans are starting to acknowledge their history of racism,” said local activist Glub-Glub Perch, “but next time, please try not to hit so many of us on the way down.” 

“Just because we can’t march on shore, doesn’t mean we don’t support the cause!” said Perch, adding that they will still bite anyone trying to retrieve the statue.

Get access to more dnatured

Support Rob Ito on Patreon and get more dnatured perks starting from just $1.00

About Author

Rob Ito

Rob Ito is a Canadian satirist, comedian and writer. He has previously written for the Beaverton and appears in shows all around Toronto regularly. You can follow Rob on Twitter at @theFakeRobIto.

About Rob Ito 20 Articles
Rob Ito is a Canadian satirist, comedian and writer. He has previously written for the Beaverton and appears in shows all around Toronto regularly. You can follow Rob on Twitter at @theFakeRobIto.