Genetics Lab That Created The Platypus Wondering How Long Until They’re Caught

Ito, R. et al.

A rogue government genetic lab that engineered the platypus is reportedly contemplating when, if ever, their chaotic creation will be traced back to them. Despite the general public’s acceptance that the egg-laying monstrosity evolved naturally, the group fears their discovery may be inevitable.

“Over the years, this organization has taken extensive measures to cover our tracks,” says Dr. Armin Samenhatzen, one of the heads of the project [1]. “We’ve forged historical zoo records, infiltrated Australian conservation authorities, and mutated the echidna to also lay eggs to throw them off the scent. Amazingly, no one has clued into the fact that a venomous mammal absolutely should not exist.”

Interestingly enough, no one in the lab can recall the exact reason for the project. “I mean, this thing was created around the 40s,” said Dr. Lyn Naoka. “Originally, I think the animals were meant to destabilize the Australian ecosystem, but then the government did that to themselves with the cane toad.”

It is theorized that the current version of the platypus may not have been the intended product of the lab. Newly uncovered documents suggest that the original project involved giving the platypus the wings, human-level intelligence, and the ability to breath hot plasma [2]. It is likely that these features were scrapped due to genetic limitations.

Representatives from the lab refused to comment on the documents, and called security after being asked whether they have had anything to do with raccoons appearing to be getting smarter

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