Man Arrested After Dinosaur Remains Found In His Backyard

Ito, R. et al.

A local man has been taken in for questioning after the skeletal remains of an Allosaurus were unearthed in his backyard. Police are currently holding homeowner Michael Green under suspicion of violating several protected species acts and animal cruelty laws.

The remains were discovered by workers during the construction of a pool in Green’s backyard, who immediately called the authorities. Despite the damning evidence, Green claims ignorance that the body was even there. But police detective Wendy Gao say cases like this are becoming far too common.

 “Some heartless monster will lure a defenceless giant reptile out of their habitat, kill them, bury the body under millions of years worth of sediment, and then sell the fossilized remains to museums and private collectors. It really makes me sick, seeing them put on display in such a perverse fashion.”

Gao is also certain that Green will be found guilty. “He fits the profile almost perfectly. Single white male. Keeps to himself. Video gamer.”

Additionally, she says that Green was playing a violent, simulated dinosaur-killing video game called Jurassic World Evolution when he was arrested, furthering her resolve that he had likely snapped on the nearest dinosaur he came across.

At press time, police will not comment on whether Green has any connection to the mass murders that occurred around the late Cretaceous period. 

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