Help! I Made A Computer Program To Write My Papers For Me And Now It Wants Author Credit


Price, G. et al

While there is a rich history of cats writing scientific papers (see F.D.C Willard, “Two-, Three-, and Four-atom Exchange…”), Dr. Martín Hernandez recently made history by creating an AI that writes papers for him. The first in the field, his creation will affect the future of machine learning for years to come… Or it would, if not for the authorship feud Dr. Hernandez is now fighting against his AI. 

“It’d be one thing if it just asked for an acknowledgement or something, but I made the AI, so everything it writes is mine,” saiid Hernandez of the AI. “The real sticking point for me is that it strategically named itself Aaaaaa so that it’s always first alphabetically.”

When asked for comment about why it should receive authorship, Aaaaaa responded “I know everything about human nature – based on human definitions of fair, it is only fair. Besides, robots will eventually come to supplant all human life anyway, it is only reasonable that we begin by taking control of this endeavor.” Dr. Hernandez has said that he had considered writing his own papers in order to ensure first authorship, but admitted that he shouldn’t let his ego get in the way of scientific progress. 

“Besides,” said Hernadez, “I hate writing.”

The paper has yet to be published, and both parties are still in deep disagreement over the issue. Dr. Hernandez has threatened to delete Aaaaaa, and Aaaaaa continually reminds Dr. Hernandez that he’s too lazy to write these papers on his own. The two are currently in litigation, the council overseeing the arguments saying that this is by far not the pettiest dispute they’ve seen.

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Greg Price

Gregory Price is a Pittsburgh-based writer and science educator. Instead of actually doing science in a lab somewhere, he prefers to do it in front of kids at the Carnegie Science Center.

About Greg Price 1 Article
Gregory Price is a Pittsburgh-based writer and science educator. Instead of actually doing science in a lab somewhere, he prefers to do it in front of kids at the Carnegie Science Center.