Self Driving Cars Now Capable Of Flipping Off Cyclists

Fay, C., Graham, L. et al.

The field of artificial intelligence and machine learning reached another exciting milestone on Tuesday with the unveiling of a self-driving car capable of brandishing the middle finger to nearby cyclists.

The technology uses cameras and sensors to scan the vehicle’s surroundings for those fugly biker shorts [1]. Advanced algorithms can also detect objects that blow past the car while it’s stopped at a red light, even though the car has been trying to pass the object’s slow-ass for the last ten blocks. The software then works to produce the appropriate vulgar gesture.

“Software can easily recognize a stop signs and lane markers, but real world driving involves detecting and interpreting subtle dick moves that computers have traditionally struggled with,” said engineer Arjun Sharma.

“For example, if the car pulls into a bike lane in an attempt to get ahead of a long line of traffic and nearly sideswipes a cyclist in the process,” explained Sharma, “the car needs to not only express anger but also clearly communicate to the cyclist that the entire situation is their fault.”

Not only can Waymo’s prototype execute this move flawlessly, it can also hurl verbal obscenities from external mounted speakers and, while parked, automatically open the drivers door when it detects a bicycle approaching.

“Blatant disregard for human life is an area where machines have the potential to outperform humans, and possibly even BMW drivers,” said Sharma.

Waymo is the first to introduce this technology but Ford has reportedly been working on a self-driving F150 that will be able to identify and incoherently cat call any woman it drives past.

Get access to more dnatured

Support Craig Fay on Patreon and get more dnatured perks starting from just $1.00

About Author

Craig Fay

Craig Fay is a Toronto based engineer turned stand up comedian and host of The Villain Was Right podcast. His debut comedy album “Helicopter Rich” was praised as “observational and self-reflective…worth playing multiple times over” and is available on iTunes and Spotify.

Lexa Graham

Lexa Graham is a comedian with a Master’s degree in Chemical Engineering, and the founder and editor of DNAtured Journal. She has previously written for Reductress, CBC Comedy and also had her research published in The Canadian Journal of Chemical Engineering. You can follow her on Twitter @LexaGrammar.

About Craig Fay 7 Articles
Craig Fay is a Toronto based engineer turned stand up comedian and host of The Villain Was Right podcast. His debut comedy album “Helicopter Rich” was praised as “observational and self-reflective…worth playing multiple times over” and is available on iTunes and Spotify.