Penguin publishing announced today that after countless requests from indecisive parents-to-be, they will publish a baby name book with a catch – every name shared with a deadly natural disaster has been crossed out with a sharpie.
“Every year, countless parents thoughtlessly name their children Katrina or Sandy or Charley, without realizing that those names already have a complicated history,” said author Christine Roynov, “and without realizing that most normal people just spell it Charlie instead of Charley.”
This list, along with an index of names that have already been used to label natural disasters, has been collected in Big Book of Baby Names That Aren’t Also Deadly Natural Disasters. For just $19.99, you can ensure that your child doesn’t have to face a classroom full of children making obnoxious blowing noises, while screaming “Uh oh, it’s hurricane season!”
“It couldn’t come soon enough,” say Frank and Amy Jones, parents of Irma, who named their daughter after legendary soul singer Irma Thomas, not the third deadliest hurricane of 2017. “We don’t want any other parents to go through the shame of having people assume that you named your precious angel after a natural disaster, let alone one that couldn’t even crack the top two deadliest of the year.”
So what should parents do if the damage is already done, and you share a name with a horrific natural disaster?
“Just own it,” said Christine, “I share a name with a tropical cyclone that happened in 1973, and I see myself as a tropical cyclone of a woman. I’m absolutely unstoppable.”
Shortly after the interview, a co-worker lobbed a paper ball at Christine’s head, and Christine smashed his body through the coffee table.