Preising, G. et al
Tensions have exploded across an agar plate from a microbiology lab at the University of Pennsylvania, as a fungal infection caused a tiny but catastrophic war not seen in generations.
Droves of Pseudomonas colonies were seen rushing to combat their impending moldy demise. “My fellow organisms are being threatened,” said the leader of the bacterial colonies. “One second we were growing exponentially, and the next, fungal invaders started a violent occupation of our entire district.”
While most of the bacterial colonies feel that there isn’t “mush-room” for the fungi on this plate, certain individuals think the problem is deeper rooted than it appears. “I’m telling you man, this war is less about resources and more about the system!” announced one progressive bacterium, who preferred to remain anonymous. “The media is trying to control us!”
Despite this, other bacteria welcomed their new umami overlords: “I mean sure, their takeover was swift and effective, but doesn’t that speak to their leadership skills? I dunno, they’re starting to grow on me,” said another bacterium.
When asked about the swift invasion, the head fungal spore claimed that “[the takeover] wasn’t that brutal. I feel like we get too much flak from the other organisms: they think we’re selfish because we literally thrive on moist dead things. But you know, personality-wise, I like to think I’m a pretty fun… damentally similar organism to bacteria.”