Protocol: How To Turn Expensive Conference Fees Into A Bunch Of Uggo Lanyards

Graham, L. et al

Who wants money for things like food or rent when you can adorn yourself with hundred of tangled conference lanyards to the envy of your entire department?

  1. Register for the most expensive conference in your field, then register everyone else in your lab for the same conference without notifying them.
  2. On the first day of the conference, go to the welcome committee and pick up your first free uggo lanyard.
  3. Tell the front desk that your colleagues are coming later but you will hold their lanyards for them.
  4. At the first mixer, start a game where people try to play Ring Toss but the rings are the lanyards and the bottles are your own neck. Buy people drinks to encourage this reckless behaviour.
  5. The next morning, go to the front desk and ask if you can have another lanyard because you lost your lanyard at last night’s mixer.
  6. Apply as a maid in the conference’s official hotel. Steal any lanyards you find.
  7. Back at the front desk, ask the organizers if someone didn’t show up to collect their lanyard. Purchase a disguise of any person they name and collect your God-given lanyard
  8. Call Brad Pitt and George Clooney and convince them to take part in your Ocean 11 style heist of the remaining conference lanyards
  9. Return home and repeat the same process for another conference.

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About Author

Lexa Graham

Lexa Graham is a comedian with a Master’s degree in Chemical Engineering, and the founder and editor of DNAtured Journal. She has previously written for Reductress, CBC Comedy and also had her research published in The Canadian Journal of Chemical Engineering. You can follow her on Twitter @LexaGrammar.

About Lexa Graham 115 Articles
Lexa Graham is a comedian with a Master’s degree in Chemical Engineering, and the founder and editor of DNAtured Journal. She has previously written for Reductress, CBC Comedy and also had her research published in The Canadian Journal of Chemical Engineering. You can follow her on Twitter @LexaGrammar.